Apology Page 2
Our relationship continued. During the first week of June of 2018, an incident happened with my husband, where he got mad at me because I said I didn’t need a cup of coffee from Dunkin Donuts (because it was on shabbat) and he started jerking the wheel of the car to scare me but lost control and went onto the median. I got out of the car when he finally stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts and called a friend to come get me. Before my husband got home, I had packed a bag of clothes and left for Gary's house. Gary said he was glad I was there so he could keep me safe. He hugged and kissed me, and touched me when others weren’t looking. He made sure he gave me his pillow to sleep on the couch with.
I filed for divorce from my husband after he went back on the road, but it made my husbands verbal attacks even worse and he financially cut my daughter and I off. My husband was going around calling me many things and Gary consoled me and told me I wasn’t crazy and that it was going to be OK. That he loved me, and we would be ok. That he would never leave me or treat me that way.
We would meet at a shed he was renting on Hawks street in Rockledge for props 3 to 4 times a week, and after we would lay there and talk. He would let me cry on his shoulder and stroke my hair. The more my husband would attack, the more Gary was there to comfort me. The only member of his family who knew where it was, was his daughter who lived in Michigan. She saw it when she came down for a visit.
Over time my life and Gary’s life became more entangled. Although I was acquaintances with his family before, it was important to him that we became like family so that we could be close to each other. He wanted me there for holidays, and he wanted me on the board for Torahville4kidz, which I began helping him with in 2017. I worked with him on the Love Israel conferences in Orlando, Florida. He said Tina always told people she was there to help her husband but always ran off and did her own thing. It meant a lot to him that I stayed by his side.
At the 2017 conference I was on the top of a ladder one time at the conference holding a banner or curtain and started panicking a little because I am a bit afraid of heights. He came up the ladder to help me and brushed his hand down me as he went back down. He would do things like that when no one was paying attention.
My divorce finalized in September of 2018, and I went on a family cruise with my daughter and ex husband because I didn’t trust my ex in a cabin room alone with my daughter. While I was away on the cruise, Gary told me in text that he didn’t see me as a girlfriend at all but a wife. We had talked about the Bible and the men who had multiple wives, I even did my own study to confirm what he was saying. He asked me what I found and I shared it and he said that was his conclusion. He said that he and his son had the same conversation. When I got back from the cruise we confessed our commitment to each other and to God which was what was important and necessary for a marriage. He called me his wife. I believed him and in December of 2018 we even opened a joint bank account.
I asked him periodically if he struggled with it, because I did. He said only because the western culture we were in wouldn’t understand. Whenever I would bring up one of my closest friends, and the situation with her father, he would assure me that he wasn’t like her father, but that’s what people would think of him. I told him I didn’t want to hurt her, he reminded me it would because of her father. He also told me he wasn’t like Justin when Justin got caught smoking pot and having inappropriate relations with another woman at a biblical feast, and that Justin and his wife were making it harder for us because of the way they were promoting polygamy. He said Justin was lusting, and that wasn’t what our relationship was. I asked him again if he wanted to stop our relationship, but he again insisted that he needed me and that he was in love with me. That his family didn’t understand him.
We continued our relationship. Every time I thought about breaking it off I thought about how much he needed me and how much our lives were entwined together. I worked countless hours on Torahville4kidz stuff because he couldn’t get any help from his family, and every time he tried to work on his ministry on Mondays, his day off, the fellowship or Tom would call him. Gary told me he never actually had his weekly day off, with a few exceptions, in all the years I knew him. So I would take up the slack. Sometimes I would do research for Torahville and sometimes for stuff for Seed of Abraham Ministries. He would tell me he wouldn’t be able get things done or that he would have to be up all night to get it done if it weren’t for me helping and how wonderful I was to him. He would tell me how grateful he was to God for giving me to him. That God had blessed him with me, and that I was a wonderful wife.
Once in a while he would get upset. Sometimes it was at Tina, and I had to be careful. If he got upset with me he would say I was treating him just like Tina does, and that’s what makes him shut down. He asked if that’s what I wanted, and I would say no and just get quiet. Then we would usually make love and he would be in a better mood. I was his wife and I was supposed to be a helpmeet and help him destress. My brain would get so confused.
He said I pleased him very much. That I brought joy to his life. I found myself working harder and harder because I wanted to please him. I wanted to make him happy, because he said he wasn’t happy at home. He said Tina was a good woman, but the attraction between them wasn’t there and that she never forgave him for the affair he had back in 1991 that started while on a missions trip and continued for a year up in Boston. That she would never forgive him, and it was the cross he had to bear because she would never forgive him for this sin, even if God did.
I told him on many occasions that I was so sorry. I was making his life complicated and difficult. He would tell me it was worth it because he didn’t want a life without me. He said one time that he had thought about walking away from everything, Tina, the fellowship, all of it, and then I came along. He said his marriage to me, helped his marriage to Tina.
After Gary got the studio in Rockledge, he agreed to install cameras for Tina to feel comfortable with me there. However he never installed them. He installed a wireless door alarm that would ding in the back shop if someone came through the front door, so that we could be alone in the back. When people came in, we knew.
I also battled a cancerous tumor in 2019. He was there to hold me when I was scared or crying. I discussed everything with him, even deciding a course of treatment.
In late 2019 and early 2020 I was struggling to pay bills. I had already been on Gary’s cell phone plan for a while, and sometimes he was paying the water bill at my house, which we put in his name after my divorce because I had trouble getting the water on in my name. I didn’t ask him to pay my bills. He would just do it if he saw our joint account was low. He knew I was struggling. I always tithed to Torahville4kidz first.
Around March or April of 2020, Gary's daughter came to me and offered for my daughter and I to move in, and for me to sell my house. I did not know until later on when I was texting Gary about it that he was the one who suggested it. He said they were originally thinking of my roommate but that he told her he thought I would be a better fit, he convinced his daughter to have us move in instead. I moved into there house in April. I felt trapped. Like the walls were closing in on me.
Then, I had a mental breakdown and ended up in the psychiatric hospital for almost a week. Everyone thought it had to do with my ex continuing to harass me, which he did, but it was mostly regarding the situation with Gary. Tina and Gary took me to the hospital and when I hugged Tina and told her I was sorry, I wasn’t saying I was sorry about ruining there plans that night as much as I was for what she didn’t know. I couldn’t tell anyone what was going on.